Lesotho: Land of Contrasts
21 Aug 2006 

"Even after being in Lesotho, I still find it a bit silly that it’s a country. It really seems as though Lesotho should have been "acquired" by SA by now."
Look who they sent to my country, Tarzan. Someone who thinks it’s a silly country. Someone who thinks my country should have been "acquired" by another. What the hell is that supposed to mean? You mean like you acquired the land of the Red Indian? Or like China acquired Tibet? Or like you acquired Iraq?

The Kingdom of Lesotho is there because Moshoeshoe said it was gonna be there. Many tried to "acquire" it, but were unable to do so. Moshoeshoe was both a warrior (he kicked British butt in 1851 and 1852) and a statesman (The most important role King Moshoeshoe played as a diplomat was his acts of friendship towards defeated enemies [Source]), and was reputed to have a weakness for the latter. He talked to and won over his enemies, if he could help killing them, which was most of the time. He wouldn’t have given you a passport into Lesotho. Now, Try this quiz, and tell me how you fare.

"As soon as you leave South Africa in any direction the roads just deteriorate and I always happen to be the person driving at that point. Electricity and thus streetlights are a luxury. So apparently are paved roads."
Yes, streetlights are a luxury in poor countries. Electricity is a luxury. Air-conditioning and midnight pig-outs on pizza and gas-guzzling liners on wheels and designer clothes are a luxury. But hospitality isn’t a luxury in Lesotho. Neither is respect, a lot of which I hope you picked up. Pride isn’t a luxury either. I’m sure you managed to see bunches of dirt-poor Basotho who greeted you with a smile, offered you something, and sang. No?

"I finally found the dirt road (and road being a term I use loosely) to the lodge we were staying at. Or at least that’s what the sign said. I absolutely hate driving in unfamiliar African rural countryside in the pitch black dark. After driving through farmers’ fields and across streams and over boulders we found the lodge (just go in the general direction of lights, in those rural parts not many places have electricity)."
Glad you found the lodge. But, say, what were you doing in Lesotho anyway, one of the poorest countries in the world, if you "hate driving in unfamiliar African rural countryside in the pitch black dark?" What kind of terrain did you expect to drive on? The 24 heures du Mans? And does that mean you looooove to drive in "unfamiliar American rural countryside in the pitch black dark?"

Did you not do your homework before leaving for Lesotho? I mean, surely you knew that it was a poor country, and that it had a lot of mountains… 70% of the country being rugged peaks called the Maluti and Drakensberg mountains. Surely you were aware of that! Did you know that Lesotho has the highest low point in the world? Yep. The lowest point in Lesotho is at 1400 m above sea level. That’s a mointain peak in many places. What did you think you were gonna be driving on? Route 66?

"All the people were dressed in their professional attire. Yet we were in rural Lesotho, so of course it’s just dirt paths everywhere. Everyone’s once nice shoes were quite dirty."
That’s just so terrible for the poor shoes! Good thing for some of the shoe-less locals, though. No dirt. What shoes did you wear that day? I bet they were of the dear kind… alligator or ostrich from southern Africa. That’s just like the unprofessional Basotho to hold a conference on dirt roads. 

"During one break I felt a bit out of place watching some traditional Basotho farm workers in the field covered in their blankets and walking along their donkey while I stood there in my nice clothes sipping some Coca Cola."
Exactly who are you, and why are you bent on insulting us? Coca Cola? And that’s your standard for sophistication? If I ever see you in my neighbourhood… No threats. If I ever see you in my neighbourhood I’ll encourage you to get out of my country and never come back.

"On Monday evening we were invited by the council of ministers from the SADC region to attend a little function of theirs. We were staying about 15 kilometers away and on the way there passed a few poor villages. These places didn’t have electricity, got their water from a well and lived in such small homes. The Lekahoe Club where this function was held was a different story – very fancy with free flowing drinks and food in abundance. After spending a day talking about the plight of the poor in Southern Africa, why not go see the government officials throw money at these sorts of functions where they try to convince the civil society sector that they really do care about the poor?"
Of course, African government ministers don’t care about the poor in their countries, but you do, n’est-ce pas, Mademoiselle Wanderingcrabb? That’s why you’re so concerned about the lack of electricity and other civilised things. That’s why those ministers should fix the road network, and that’s why you disliked the function at the Lekahoe [sic] Club, n’est-ce pas, Mademoiselle WanderingCrabb?

Lesotho is a country that has had to fight, most times literally, to exist. But we have never eliminated another people (you have), we have never conquered another country (you have), we have never declared war on another country (you have), we have never nuked anyone (you have), and we have never subjugated another race or ethnic group because of the amount of melanocytes in their skin (you have). Perhaps that’s why we don’t have tarred roads and electricity and you do? I’m just curious, what does your travelling companion, Corlett, make of all this poverty and lack of electricity in Lesotho?

When you decided to go to Africa, were you hoping to see Tarzan? You know, overflowing rivers gorged with greedy crocodiles and a white man clamping their awesome jaws with his bare hands — something the natives can’t do. But like Richard Pryor so rightly said,

"Tarzan wouldn’t last a week in Africa. They’d probably just call him ‘Crazy White Man.’ You’d go, ‘Where’s Tarzan?’ They’d say, ‘You mean the Crazy White Man? Eh.. he’s up in them trees with the baboons.’"